Whod you bang
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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