woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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