So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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