"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
