Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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