I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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