if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
