haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
