I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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