I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
