fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she told me i tasted like america
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
