Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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