I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
