is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
