He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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