we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
