Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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