i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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