I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize