god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
