i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
