i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
