I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
