apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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