Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
