I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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