I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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