I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
