you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
