I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
