people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
