i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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