I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You were trust falling into bushes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
