If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
