my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
