Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How's work?
Spinning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
