god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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