I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
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He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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