This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
