Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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