I think i peed on brittanys purse
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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