I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
