I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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