I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
