We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
