We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think my moral compass just broke
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
