I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
