literally had 100 drinks last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i think i just lost a toe
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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