he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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