I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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