Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
