It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
