dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
