I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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