I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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