the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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