What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
