just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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