I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
