Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she peed on how many people?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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