hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
