is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
