Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
