Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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