Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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