Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize