he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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