It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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