I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im six kinds of drunk right now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
