I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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