i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
