just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
