I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
