this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
