I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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