I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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