If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
